The deepest need of man, then, is the need to over come his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness. The absolute failure to achieve this aim means insanity, because the panic of complete isolation can be overcome only by such a radical withdrawal from a world outside that the feeling of separation disappears - because the world outside from which one is separated has disappeared.

This desire for interpersonal fusion is the most powerful striving in man. It is the most fundamental passion, it is the force which keeps the human race together, the clan, the family, society.

Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality. Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through walls that separate man from his fellow man.

In love the paradox occurs that two become one and yet remain two.

... that virtue and power are the same. Envy, jealousy, ambition, any kind of greed are passions; love is an action, the practice of a human power, which can be practiced only in freedom and never as the result of a compulsion.

Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a "standing in," not a "falling for." In the most general, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primary giving, not receiving.

For the productive character.... Giving is more joyous than receiving, not because it is a depravation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness.

Whoever is capable of giving himself is rich.

The aspects of Love: care, responsibility, respect, knowledge

Care

Love is an active concern for the life and growth of that which we love. Where is active concern is lacking there is no love.

One loves that which one labors, and one labors for that which one loves.

Responsibility

Today responsibility is often meant to denote duty, something imposed upon one from the outside. But responsibility, in its true sense, is an entirely voluntary act; it is my response to the needs, expressed or unexpressed, of another human being. To be "responsible" means to be able to and ready to "respond."

Respect

Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes in accordance with the root of the word ( respicese = to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his unique individuality. Respect means that concern that the other person should grow and unfold as he is. Respect, this, implies the absence of exploitation. I want the loved person to grow for his own sake, and in his own way, and not for the purpose of serving me. If I love the other person, I feel one with him or her, but with him as he is, not as I need him to be as an object for my use.

Knowledge

Knowledge has .... a more fundamental, relation to the problem of love. The basic need to fuse with another person so as to transcend the prison of one's separateness is closely related to another specifically human desire, that to know the "secret of man." While life in its merely biological aspects is a miracle and a secret, man in his human aspects is an unfathomable secret to himself - and to his fellow man. We know ourselves, and yet even with all efforts we make, we do not know ourselves. We know our fellow man, and yet we do not know him, because we are not a thing, and our fellow man is not a thing. The further we reach into the depth of our being, or someone else's being, the more the goal of knowledge eludes us. Yet we cannot help desiring to penetrate into the secret of man's soul, into the innermost nucleus which is "he."

Love is the only way of knowledge, which in the act of union answers my quest. In the act of loving, of giving myself, in the act of penetrating the other person, I find myself, I discover myself, I discover us both, I discover man.

The only way of full knowledge lies in the act of love: this act transcends though, it transcends words. It is the daring plunge into the experience of union. However, knowledge in thought, that is psychological knowledge, is necessary condition for full knowledge in the act of love. I have to know the other person and myself objectively, in order to be able to see his reality, or rather, to overcome the illusions, the irrationally distorted picture I have of him. Only if I know a human being objectively, can I know him in his ultimate essence, in the act of love.

Care, responsibility, respect and knowledge are mutually interdependent. They are syndrome of attitudes which are to be found in the mature person; that is, in the person who develops his own powers productively, who only wants to have that which he has worked for, who has given up narcissistic dreams of omniscience and omnipotence, who has acquired humility based on inner strength which only genuine productive activity can give.

Love is an inner activity, not an emotion. It is actively caring, respecting, knowing, and taking responsibility for the one loved. Love is a decision. Only through love can two people know each other. To love another is to see them for who they are and accept them with faith in them that they will reach their potentials. Love cannot be self-serving in anyway. The loved person must be loved as they are, not as what I need them to be. Loving is giving love, not on receiving love. The loved person may not be ready in his or her psyche to give love back.

There are several types of love: Brotherly Love, Motherly Love, Erotic Love, Love of Self, and Love of God.

Brotherly Love is the love between equals. It is the love one shows towards family, neighbors, strangers, and all men. You must love your neighbor as yourself. You must take an active concern from your neighbor as well as a stranger.

Motherly Love is the unconditional love for one’s child. The relationship between a mother and her child is unique in that they two are one in the beginning and then the child separates from the mother. The mother must allow the child to become his/her own person. All mothers love their children when they are infants, but the real test of a mother’s love is when the child is beginning to separate. If she can still love her child and not resent him/her then she is showing real love.

Erotic Love is the love between equals. It is only shared between two people unlike brotherly love. Erotic love should not be an attitude of “us against the world,” but instead it is based on brotherly love so the two still love the rest of the world. This love is not solely based on sexual desire, although sexual desire will grow from it. The most powerful feeling a human can have is intimacy, but often the feeling of “falling in” love is confused with Erotic love. Falling in love refers to a feeling created by sudden intimacy of two individuals. This feeling should not be confused with Erotic love because the “falling in” love feeling does not last. Once the two become familiar to each other the feeling goes away, and if there is not Erotic love (which springs from Brother love) they relationship will not last. The two people will go in search for new people to create the “falling in” love feeling with again.

This is why most relationships do not last. Our culture is one of consumerism. We need to consume things and feelings. When something loses its newness we move on to find a new thrill: we buy a new toy, find a new relationship.

Love of self is not the same as selfishness. If you love yourself then you also love others. If you do not love yourself you will not be capable of loving others. Even the Bible says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Which indicates that self-love is first. Selfish people do not love themselves and are eaten away by self-hatred.

On the other hand people who are completely and apparently selfless also are incapable of love. If they are doing good things because they are painful and cause suffering then they are doing it out of wrong motives and will not accomplish anything in the end.

Love of God is the love of things that are good.

The only people who are capable of love are productive individuals who are mature, able to concentrate, non-narcissist, and patient, humble, sensitive to themselves. They must have rational faith and reason to practice the art of loving.

Love is more than just something to have for a particular object; it is a personal characteristic that every human being should have in order to live a productive and healthy life. Society cannot function correctly with out love. In fact life is not worth living with out love. In our day and age love is not understood. To us love is the romance we see on the screen or hear about in songs. It is all about emotion, but real love is not an emotion, it’s the basis for living.